ADRIFT AT SEA

Grief is not enjoyable. As mentioned in the previous blog, my cat of 7 years, Momo died of cancer in May. The vet suggested that she lose weight so I procured a low-calorie food and I just thought that she didn’t like it. I put her back onto regular food but she didn’t gain back weight so I took her to the vet. Ten days later I had to euthanize her because she was having trouble walking and started to smell sweet. The sweet smell is called ketones a gas given off by mammals as our organs shut down. It was profoundly difficult.

I resigned in April from a job where I liked most of my co-workers (didn’t like the hours being cut to part-time with no benefits) and took another job that I had been warned by two previous employees to avoid. I did not heed their advice because I wanted full time work. I had quickly realized that it was not a good fit and was already seeking another position but the transition occurred faster than I anticipated. Fired in July. I now am filled with anxiety and a touch of depression. Not a good combination.

Another stressor is family. My parents have both had health issues and my mom may have Alzheimer’s. Losing her personality before her body dies and the obvious stress on my dad. I am not close with my family because they are not nice to me. It is best for me to avoid them. I crave closeness but accept that it will never happen.

I have good friends but my two closest friends are busy raising children so I try not to burden them with my sorrows. No romantic partner to lean on. I was injured in May and still dealing with the healing process. The injury hurt so much today that I couldn’t do chores.

I still cry on occasion about Momo. I’m not a freak about animals (too much time spent on a farm) but she was a good companion. She wanted me around. The kitten is sweet, she does like to cuddle. Perhaps I can’t choose a name because I’m afraid of losing her, too.

I’m feeling a bit adrift at sea.
© 2010

INTO THE FIRE

Unemployment sucks. I left a part-time job that I didn't like anymore (after it had been cut from a full-time job with no fewer expectations of work accomplished) and took a full-time job, which has now ended. I am now fully unemployed. I guess it is the proverbial jumping from the frying pan into the fire. I've walked over these coals before so I plan to survive with very few burns.

Unemployment rates are astoundingly high so there is a huge amount of competition for the jobs that are available. I shall attempt to re-design myself as a consultant. I did consulting about 15 years ago and didn't like the loneliness of the work. I just need to make enough money to survive.

I hope that Congress extends Unemployment Benefits and the COBRA subsidy soon. I need both to keep my house. I had obtained a kitten a week before my job ended and she is not showing signs of employability. Momo died in May and Zozo was sad. They are getting along well, thankfully.
© 2010