ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE

Thankfulness for every day of existence is an attitude of gratitude. Perfection is an unattainable illusion. I have so much abundance in my life. However, I am a realist.

I’m no “Pollyanna” (she refused to acknowledge that the negative exists). Yes, I encounter trials and tribulations every day but a negative attitude will only cause problems. I take responsibility for the problems that I have caused and try to avoid repeating the same mistake. I cannot control every variable in my life, but I control how I react.

Unemployment sucks but I’m grateful for the small unemployment insurance check that I receive on a weekly basis. I’m glad that I practiced frugality during the past two years so that I have some savings to draw down on each month to pay bills. I only purchase necessities and have turned down the thermostat to 50 degrees. The two cats cuddle extra close for warmth, which is nice. I like lap kitties, they tend to purr more and want their tummy rubbed. I miss Momo but I’m glad that she was part of my life for six years.

My physical health is okay. I need to lose weight but other than that I’m okay. My mental health doesn’t like cloudy days but I am happy that I have a full-spectrum light to trick my brain into thinking that the daylight is longer. Seasonal Affective Disorder was diagnosed a long time ago so I know how to reduce the symptoms. It is much better than suffering from the winter blues.

What are you thankful for?
© 2010

SOBRIETY SUPPORT

Mitch, a friend of mine, entered treatment for alcoholism. This totally caught me off guard. I noticed that he had glassy slightly unfocused eyes a couple times this summer and smelled alcohol issuing from him one time, a couple weeks ago. I never thought that he might be abusing alcohol. We were going to go out for lunch this week and one topic I wanted to discuss was how to cope with stress. Alas, I now know how he dealt with that issue and whatever else was bothering him.

A high school friend, Sally, learned that her husband was an alcoholic after she married him. He didn’t tell her a lot of things, such as having a vasectomy since he had a hereditary form of muscular dystrophy. She was profoundly disappointed but he agreed to get treatment and if he could maintain sobriety for two years, they were going to adopt or procure sperm from a donor. Jerry went through treatment several times but could never kick alcoholism. The disease had rewired his brain and body. Unfortunately, the story has a very sad ending because he had an accident and died while intoxicated. Sally has remarried but she still misses Jerry.

I hope that Mitch does not meet the sad fate of Jerry. From what I have observed, addiction is complicated and each person is unique as to what caused it to occur. I don’t think that Mitch has a family history of substance abuse. I know that he used marijuana in his 20s but I don’t know if he continued using it. He had bleeding stomach ulcers from over-use of aspirin about eight years ago, which was probably an indication of substance issues.

I have worked with people who have SPMI, serious and persistent mental health, meaning that the symptoms are serious enough to interfere with their quality of life and last for more than one year. It is normal for everyone to experience ups and downs but SPMI means that the roller-coaster of emotions and thoughts are overwhelming. Some folks use chemicals to reduce symptoms or quiet the effects of the roller-coaster. By the time they figure out its SPMI, they have to deal with CD, chemical dependency too. I think that some people stumble into substance abuse because they are too young or cavalier to realize that it is addictive, especially when they are in their teens and twenties. I don’t know what caused Mitch to abuse the substance. Obviously, he was using alcohol to deal with something but it might be physical pain, psychological pain or a combination. The cause doesn’t matter, only how to help him maintain sobriety.

Mitch doesn’t emote very much and is difficult to engage in conversation. I am a bit perplexed about how to support his sobriety, beyond not drinking alcohol in his presence. We were never “drinking buddies”. Our group of mutual friends is more interested in chatting and eating than drinking. We might get a buzz at a party, but alcohol hasn’t been the focus since we were in college. I will search for an Al-Anon meeting in my area to be prepared when he is released from treatment.

Any advice about how to support his sobriety would be appreciated.
NOTE: Names are changed to protect their confidentiality.
© 2010

VOTE!

If you are a citizen, it is your duty to vote. No matter how "big" or "small" of an election, you have a responsiblity to travel to the polling place and register your vote.

If you choose not to vote, then you are choosing to ignore democracy. You have no right to complain about anything the government officals do if you don't vote. The vote needs to be from your opinion, you should not sell, trade or be intimidated to vote for or against any candidate or question on the ballot. A free and open election is essential for democracy.

I voted today. Did you? (If you reside where an election is occuring.)
(c) 2010

DESPERATELY SEEKING INVESTIGATORS

Web 2.0+ is grand in many ways. I applaud citizen journalists that diligently report what is occurring in their neighborhood. It is wonderful to read stories that may have been ignored by mainstream media a few years ago. However, sometimes I wonder if all the stories are based in fact because some state opinion and hearsay. Opinion and hearsay, also known as slander, is akin to bullying. The only exception are opinion columns or video blogs. This blog is based upon my opinion, however I choose not to spread rumors.

The damage to people and institutions can be horrific because of a false rumor. Slanderous statements purporting that a politician isn’t a citizen or is a different faith than where the elected official attends services, such hokum. My silly sibling likes to send me emails that spread hatred against a specific faith. The information isn’t based in fact, just opinion or an extrapolation of one radical’s words, which is hooey. One extremist, like the idiot who wanted to burn holy books in Florida, doesn’t represent the majority of the faith, just a few fools.

I miss investigative journalists who were keen on integrity. Not too long ago the mainstream media sponsored curious people to seek out corruption and expose it to the public, like Watergate. With the decrease in funding, these investigations have ground to a halt. Greedy evil people will do their deeds unchecked because it is unlikely that a citizen journalist will have the resources to expose the corruption. A few nonprofit journalistic organizations have started but their funding is limited.

I also miss human-interest stories. Local news has become a police blotter; they mostly report crime, which is depressing and doesn’t represent what is really occurring in the community. I hate it when the “local” news eats up time with irrelevant stories that aren’t even local. Since they don’t have time to check facts, they will repeat the slanderous stories and cause harm.

Too many crime, murder and blood shows (Law & Order, CSI franchises, cops & criminals, etc) are on tv. Why don’t the media companies dedicate an hour every week to feel-good stories about real people who help their community? One hour without blood. Instead, we are lucky if they have one feel-good story on the news each week. I can’t afford cable so I watch PBS or read a book. No DVD player and my computer is dial-up so I can’t watch anything there.

Journalists, where are you???
© 2010

IT GETS BETTER, REALLY

He was bigger than me. I was rather scared but I punched him in the stomach. He cried and I was sent to the corner. I was about four years old and fought a bully, but I was punished. Granted, I shouldn’t have hit him. The teacher should have made the preschool a safe place and protected the “square pegs” like myself.

Bullies have harassed me since I was small. I loved learning but I hated to go to grammar school. I never fit in; I was the “odd duck.” My father told me it was my fault, my mother talked to the teacher and I was sent to see the Principal. All he did was tell the other kids to leave me alone. The result was social isolation. In 4th grade I came very close to committing suicide.

Middle school created the opportunity for older students to harangue me on the way to school. They taunted me even when I sat right behind the bus driver. He never did anything to stop them. One day they got off the bus to beat me up. Fortunately, I had my musical instrument case with me and used it to defend myself. The instrument wasn’t damaged but I was terrified. I refused to go to school for a week and came close to suicide again.

High school provided for bullies from the entire city to verbally abuse me. Upper class members protected me when I was with them. When they graduated, I became vulnerable. Thankfully, I had developed some friendships and found ways to meet people outside of my little town school. I joined a statewide group and learned that there were weirder kids than me in the world. Oddly enough, that was a relief because when a bully would say that I was strange I knew that I wasn’t as odd as a kid that I knew from a different town.

My biological family is not supportive; my eldest sibling is a bully. I have encountered bullies at work. I guess that I have a target on my soul; bullies seem to gravitate towards me. I wish that I could have told my little four-year old self to be a proud duck. Let the taunts of bullies slide off, like water slides off a duck. Swim or fly away. There are better ponds without bullies.

Bullies are cowards. They use words and actions to intimidate. They pick on others because their own self-esteem is crap. I have learned to ignore the bully, forgive and pity them. I have to avoid my family and hang out with nicer people. I choose to be with a family-of-choice, supportive people with whom have no biological connection. They are the best bully deflectors.

Life gets better, really.
Join www.itgetsbetterproject.com to be supportive of gay-lesbian-bisexual-transgendered-crossdressing-intrasex-questioning-queer and all kids who don't quite fit in.
© 2010

FALLING INTO FALL

Sorry for the belated posting. I have been so blasted busy during the past couple weeks and my schedule is fairly full for the remainder of October. I even have dates filled for November.
My schedule is more hectic while unemployed than when I was working. I do job search (unfortunately, I don't always locate positions to send in an application), physical activity (walk, clean or yardwork), tangible chore everyday (empty the dishwasher, do a load of clothes, sweep the floor, etc), and do something fun weekly (lots of free and cheap activities or else read a library book). All of a sudden the day is done and I'm too tired to accomplish anything more.
I have a lot that I want to do before I get another full-time job. Yardwork (get it cleaned up before the snow falls) and indoor chores (finish sorting some boxes, plus, cleaning and organizing closets and drawers). I need to paint but that can wait until spring.
Run, run, rush, rush, is there any time to enjoy life???
(c)2010

BOOKWORM REVIEW

I read a lot. I find it relaxing to “fall into” a good story and forget about all the stress in my life. Occasionally, a great movie will have the same effect. Commercials during television programs prove to be distracting and I start to fret again. Thus, I am a regular patron at the local library.

Since unlocking the mystery of letters strung together and their meaning, I have enjoyed reading. It was difficult because I have mild dyslexia which turns and jumbles letters. Plus, learning was hindered by the application of the ITA Reading System instituted in first grade. It relied on phonetics, so I memorize the phonetic spelling and it still trips me up all these years later. After one year of abysmal test results, our school district dropped this confusing system. My mom dedicated numerous hours of flashcards with me until my brain was able to understand. I can read very well but it is difficult to spell at times. Thank goodness for spelling and grammar checking computer programs. I usually think about ten words ahead of what I can articulate, which is bad for speaking too.

Here are a few of the books that I have read this year. Their ranking is behind the name.
“Water for Elephants” four and half stars; written by Sara Gruen
“Their Eyes Were Watching God” four stars; created by Zora Hurston
“Half Life” four stars; authored by Roopa Farooki
“The Help” three and a half stars; composed by Kathryn Stockett (I hope she writes an autobiography.)
“Baking Cakes in Kigali” three stars; developed by Gaile Parkin
“Aloha Quilt Camp” two stars; quite predictable
“Crime Scene at Cardwell Ranch” one star; profoundly predictable
Five stars is the highest ranking. I recommend reading those books that are three stars and more.

One of the perks of unemployment is the time to read. There are several other books that I started but did not hold my attention (less than one star). I can usually finish reading a book in a day or two. I sit on the porch with the new kitten, Tillie, and keep her from chewing on its pages.

I heard that the movie of Elephants is in production. I was disappointed that the stars are much older than the characters in the book. The youth of the characters is a key element of how well the story works. It is better when the movie echoes the brilliance of the book, like “To Kill a Mockingbird.”
© 2010

BUY A KORAN/QUARAN TODAY

Show that you support in the First Amendment of the United States of America and purchase a Koran, which can also be spelled Quaran. Read it. Learn about the Islamic faith, which has the same roots as Judaism and Christianity. Take classes. You don’t have to convert. Just open your mind and heart that other religions have a right to exist. Learn about other organized faiths, shamanism, agnosticism, and atheistic views.

People who sought religious freedom founded America. Freedom for all. I personally find some specific practices and philosophies of various faiths not meshing with my personal viewpoint. I don’t think that any specific religion is evil or should be eradicated because it doesn’t agree with my ideas. Faith is a personal choice. You can practice whatever you want as long as the basic tenet of “Do no harm” is followed. Per example, perhaps you worship a special rock. Go ahead. Just don’t use the rock to hit any person, animal, harm nature or yourself. Repression is a form of harm, as is burning holy text (though symbolic).

If you are Muslim, celebrate the First Amendment by purchasing a holy book from another religion and learn about other faiths. As you gain knowledge about other religions, you see that they are profoundly similar. We are human beings, first, before we learn any religious philosophies. Humans celebrate each other’s freedom to practice religion.
© 2010

CAT TAILS

The cats are not allowed upstairs. The have freedom to roam the basement and first floor but not the second level. Houseplants are upstairs during the cool season and could cause problems for the feline gastro-intestinal track. Plus, the office is upstairs and was off-limits to Mo due to her OCD. Yes, Mo was obsessive-compulsive. She was compelled to eat paper, especially newspaper.

She had always occasionally nibbled on the edge of newspapers and paperwork since she entered my home. A couple years ago Mo ate half a newspaper while I was gone on holiday. I called the veterinarian and he assured me that she would be okay as long as the newspaper was digesting. She drank a lot of water but it all came out in the end. Into the litter box.

As a result, paperwork ended up in my office. Otherwise, it had to be placed inside a plastic bag (usually the clear bag from the newspaper) to ensure Mo would not eat it. Sometimes she managed to open the bag and eat the paper anyway. Since she died in May I don’t have to do this anymore. Zozo doesn’t seem to care about newspaper but she will eat plants. I suppose it is a good habit for me to keep paperwork in the office. I would be tempted to leave it lying about the house and paperwork tends to reproduce itself when left unattended. I don’t know if the new kitten, Tillie, will have the urge to chew newspaper or plants. She’s only 10 weeks old and likes to chew on a cardboard box and her tail.
© 2010

GOTTA HAVE GOALS

GOAL #1 JOB SEARCH: Conduct job-search related activities at least five times per week.
GOAL #2 PHYSICAL: Engage in physical movement at least five times per week.
GOAL #3 CHORE: Accomplish a chore at least five times per week.
GOAL #4 SOCIAL: Socialize at least once per week.

Obtain a full-time job before December 1st, 2010. The sooner the better! I do need enough income to pay the bills since the cats won’t work. I need benefits, such as health insurance. Most importantly, the job will occur in a positive work atmosphere where I am truly appreciated.

More details about the goals: Job searching is abstract. I send out my resume and wonder if a human ever reads it. Physical movement includes yard-work, house cleaning, or walking. I need to sweat at least a little. I admit to being rather out of shape so it will take me a while before I am ready for heavy-duty cardio-stuff. Chores are something tangible such as organizing a closet. If the chore is physically active enough it will also count as physical movement. Socializing will focus on no or low cost activity with at least one other person who I know.

I am posting these goals to help keep me accountable. However, I don’t know if anyone is reading this blog. If you are, please follow it. Thanks!
© 2010