Bah humbug for the holiday season. Here is what I hate, the continuous perfection pressure. I am to be bright and happy at all encounters. I can’t be truthful because that would ruin the holiday mood of fake happiness. I usually state, “I’m okay except for unemployment,” the other person responds by mumbling that I’ll get a job soon. Yeah, right.
Family togetherness. Ha. I get along with my parents as long as we avoid such topics as politics, religion or anything controversial. My hyper-conservative father controls my mother so she is just his parrot. I find that I can only stand being in their presence for a couple days before I want to scream. My siblings are nasty and it is best to avoid them. They, their spouses, and kids enjoy making derogatory remarks about me when I am in the room with them. I can’t verbally retaliate because they gang up on me and call me whiney. Bastards. I feel so alone and lonely when I am with my family. They may have a biological connection but they have no clue how to be accepting or loving. I wish that I had a boyfriend or hubby to take with me to act as a buffer.
Gifts are just silly and usually people give you stuff that you don’t want or need. I have stopped giving presents to adults and generally send out kid gifts in the early part of the year. I don’t adhere to an arbitrary date set by some dude in the 14th Century as the birth of a wise person. I would rather follow the celestial calendar, such as Solstice and Equinox. Christmas this, Christmas that, Christmas permeates the culture. What about other faiths??? It is really disrespectful to ignore their holidays or make only one mention. Excuse me, but not everybody is a Christian.
Cards are the only exception. They are physical evidence that people know that I exist. I proudly display them, though Tillie the kitten tries to eat them. I keep track of who sends me a card from year to year. If they go for two years without returning a card that I have sent to them, they are off the list. Why waste money on a card, time to write out the card, and postage on someone who obviously doesn’t care?
My friends care but I don’t expect them to invite me to their family holiday gatherings. I usually sit at home alone with the cats. Yes, I am grumpy this year. I never expected to be 40-something alone, childless, and unemployed. I want to have a good job and a good boyfriend/hubby who may already have kids (who like me). I guess that is too much to ask for from the Santa-spirit.
Bah humbug.
© 2010
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