HEAVEN SHE SEEKS

My mother is dying. The dementia, possibly Alzheimer’s, has been stripping away her memories and personality for several years. She spark faded and she hasn’t always known who I was for the past three years. It has been agony to observe and I have cried many many tears. During my last visit it was clear that she could no longer stay at home. I spoke with my dad about having her move into a nursing home/memory care unit. He reluctantly agreed but wanted to wait until the fall. Well, autumn has arrived and she has moved in.

Mum has been placed in the memory unit of a nursing home. It is a newer facility so the halls are wide and the rooms are large. The nursing home section has artwork and there are lots of activities, whereas the memory unit is quiet almost silent. It is a female-only unit and only half full. There is always at least one PCA (Personal Care Attendant) on duty and a nurse comes in to administer medicine. Sadly, statistics show that half of all dementia patients are abused. Half, how despicable. I hope that my mother will be safe.

Mom doesn’t like her new abode. She has slept in the same bed with my father for nearly sixty years. She is confused and exhausted. She has problems with her blood pressure and iron level. She used to walk five miles a day can now barely shuffle a few steps. It is heart wrenching to hear her plea to “come home” and telling her that we have to wait for her to “get better.” She’s never going to heal; neither her body nor her mind will mend. Her only exit will be death. I cried quietly during every visit. I didn’t want to upset her with my sadness.

Mother has suffered from chronic back pain her whole life. She would unenthusiastically consume painkillers. I urged my father to ask for prescription pain eliminator when they take her to the doctor. She isn’t eating much and sleeps a lot. She is off the warfarin so blood clots will likely develop. There is a DNR (Do not revive) order. I don’t want her to suffer. I reluctantly wish for her to let loose from this mortal coil quickly and peacefully, perhaps from a heart attack while sleeping. I don’t believe in heaven or hell but she does. I hope she moves to the heaven she seeks with no pain and full of personality. She’s been a good mother, I miss her already.

Uncoil Mortality!
Copyright © 2013 by Ima B. Musing; All rights reserved.