BOARDING PASS

I’ve decided to respond to everyone who sends me a message on okcupid.com. I do have some expectations; first, they must reside in the Twin Cities or else be planning to move here. I don’t want a long-distance relationship. Second, nonsmokers only. Smoke causes me to cough, sparks my allergies, smells horrid, and can trigger an asthma attack. Third, their profile must not raise any concerns regarding prejudice or negative attitude. They need to be employed or going to college. I will politely decline those who do not meet these basic qualifications.

Thankfully, I can institute some of these parameters when I search for a mate, but peculiarly the system doesn’t match their search parameters with mine. Case in point. I was matched with a very fascinating man but when I reviewed his profile, he didn’t’ want to be with anyone over the age of 40. I am definitely over 40. The okcupid.com system has some quirks.

Coffee consumption meeting will be arranged for those who pass muster. Granted, I don’t drink brewed beans. I will sip tea, hot chocolate, or another beverage but it is less complicated to just state the ubiquitous coffee. Beverage shops tend to be good for conversation unless everyone has their nose glued to a computer/phone screen or it’s crowded. I will pay for my own swill. I can’t afford dinner and bars can be a bit lurid. I just want to determine if there is an intellectual connection and indescribable spark between us.

I have received several messages and declined the out-of-towners immediately. I looked up one man’s profile and it sounded interesting until I reviewed the “Just the two of us” section. He stated that homosexuality was a sin so that was a deal-breaker. Better than wasting time on an incompatible match. I think that same-sex couples should marry just like heterosexuals. Love is love. Boost the economy with wedding paraphernalia and divorce lawyer fees.

Another jerk emailed, “Hey sexy” and we were less than 75% compatible. What a tosser! One man had a nice message and I liked his profile but he had not responded to very many Cupid questions. I encouraged him to complete some more and then perhaps we could meet for coffee. He deluged me with four text messages within a few hours, each one become more belligerent. Not a good sign. I am not online every day; if they can’t be patient enough to wait for a response I am not interested. I may have to block some of these blokes.

I don’t know if I’ll ever get married. I always planned to get hitched after college, have a couple kids, work, and spend retirement with my hubby. My tipped uterus and recent onset of menopause nixes natural childbirth and I’m probably considered too old to adopt. I didn’t want to adopt as a single parent. I’ll have to work full-time until I’m 70 and probably part-time until I die because I have pittance saved for retirement. I’m afraid that I’ll be poor and lonely. No, I don’t want someone to financially sustain me, emotional support is much more important.

Seeking a sweetie pie.
© 2013 Ima B. Musing