I’ve decided to respond to everyone who sends me a message on okcupid.com. I do have some expectations; first, they must reside in the Twin Cities or else be planning to move here. I don’t want a long-distance relationship. Second, nonsmokers only. Smoke causes me to cough, sparks my allergies, smells horrid, and can trigger an asthma attack. Third, their profile must not raise any concerns regarding prejudice or negative attitude. They need to be employed or going to college. I will politely decline those who do not meet these basic qualifications.
Thankfully, I can institute some of these parameters when I search for a mate, but peculiarly the system doesn’t match their search parameters with mine. Case in point. I was matched with a very fascinating man but when I reviewed his profile, he didn’t’ want to be with anyone over the age of 40. I am definitely over 40. The okcupid.com system has some quirks.
Coffee consumption meeting will be arranged for those who pass muster. Granted, I don’t drink brewed beans. I will sip tea, hot chocolate, or another beverage but it is less complicated to just state the ubiquitous coffee. Beverage shops tend to be good for conversation unless everyone has their nose glued to a computer/phone screen or it’s crowded. I will pay for my own swill. I can’t afford dinner and bars can be a bit lurid. I just want to determine if there is an intellectual connection and indescribable spark between us.
I have received several messages and declined the out-of-towners immediately. I looked up one man’s profile and it sounded interesting until I reviewed the “Just the two of us” section. He stated that homosexuality was a sin so that was a deal-breaker. Better than wasting time on an incompatible match. I think that same-sex couples should marry just like heterosexuals. Love is love. Boost the economy with wedding paraphernalia and divorce lawyer fees.
Another jerk emailed, “Hey sexy” and we were less than 75% compatible. What a tosser! One man had a nice message and I liked his profile but he had not responded to very many Cupid questions. I encouraged him to complete some more and then perhaps we could meet for coffee. He deluged me with four text messages within a few hours, each one become more belligerent. Not a good sign. I am not online every day; if they can’t be patient enough to wait for a response I am not interested. I may have to block some of these blokes.
I don’t know if I’ll ever get married. I always planned to get hitched after college, have a couple kids, work, and spend retirement with my hubby. My tipped uterus and recent onset of menopause nixes natural childbirth and I’m probably considered too old to adopt. I didn’t want to adopt as a single parent. I’ll have to work full-time until I’m 70 and probably part-time until I die because I have pittance saved for retirement. I’m afraid that I’ll be poor and lonely. No, I don’t want someone to financially sustain me, emotional support is much more important.
Seeking a sweetie pie.
© 2013 Ima B. Musing
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Sunday, January 13, 2013
ALL ABOARD
I think it’s hilarious and incredibly absurd when a man states, “I don’t want anyone with baggage.” Life is baggage. Everything that happens (good, bad, beautiful, and ugly) defines who you are as a human. No baggage equals an ugly bag of mostly water. It is all about how you carry your baggage as you travel on the train of life. Does it burden and torture you or not? You can chose to accept that the baggage exists and store it away so that it only causes a bother on a rare occasion.
My heart has been crushed many times. Body and mind overwhelmed by pain. Mentally fueled anxiety of what did I do wrong, what didn’t I do, what is wrong with me, etcetera. Crash into the drowning depths of depression, which is swirled by the anguish of anxiety. Terrible experience. No desires to eat, drink, sleep or else too much sleep. It’s a torturous whirlpool that threatens the death of hope, dreams, the future, and possibly physical demise. Jumping off the train.
When you crawl out of the pit and shake off the pain, you are scarred. You feel hesitant to enter into another romantic relationship. You hold back your heart and reduce your expectations. You ignore flirtations and forget to flirt with potential mates. Time elapses, your looks fade into wrinkles as your waistline expands. You blink and you are middle aged. Alone. Sometimes lonely.
The only cure is a romantic relationship. You dust off your hopes and dreams and sign up with an online dating service. You take a chance that someone will find your baggage appealing. Seeking a mate who will want to ride together for a while or until you transfer to another experience (aka death). Love lightens the luggage and makes it more bearable. Love helps to heal the scars of pain. Get me on the love train!
Boarding Pass: Hope Junction
© 2013 Ima B. Musing
My heart has been crushed many times. Body and mind overwhelmed by pain. Mentally fueled anxiety of what did I do wrong, what didn’t I do, what is wrong with me, etcetera. Crash into the drowning depths of depression, which is swirled by the anguish of anxiety. Terrible experience. No desires to eat, drink, sleep or else too much sleep. It’s a torturous whirlpool that threatens the death of hope, dreams, the future, and possibly physical demise. Jumping off the train.
When you crawl out of the pit and shake off the pain, you are scarred. You feel hesitant to enter into another romantic relationship. You hold back your heart and reduce your expectations. You ignore flirtations and forget to flirt with potential mates. Time elapses, your looks fade into wrinkles as your waistline expands. You blink and you are middle aged. Alone. Sometimes lonely.
The only cure is a romantic relationship. You dust off your hopes and dreams and sign up with an online dating service. You take a chance that someone will find your baggage appealing. Seeking a mate who will want to ride together for a while or until you transfer to another experience (aka death). Love lightens the luggage and makes it more bearable. Love helps to heal the scars of pain. Get me on the love train!
Boarding Pass: Hope Junction
© 2013 Ima B. Musing
Thursday, January 10, 2013
POISON ARROWS
My heart has been shattered myriad times. First, there was Ted who dumped me to go backpacking with his former girlfriend through Europe. Second, was Mitch. I was falling for him, we became intimate and then he broke it off. I later learned that he was already engaged to someone and I was the “other woman.” What a slime-ball. If he cheated while they were dating, he will cheat while they are married. It still hurt to be discarded. Mitch also boasted about being friends with all his former lovers. I think its good to be cordial with an ex, essential when kids are involved, and great to be friendly. Friendship is a bit too far. I would always worry that Mitch would want to get back with the ex. Been there, done that with Ted.
Third archer was Donel. We worked together and it was probably foolish of me to hook up with someone I’d see on the job. Chemistry overwhelmed me as our flirtations became intimate. He said that his former girlfriend was gone forever. Of course, his ex Cherlyn moved back to Minnesota and he started to act oddly. We never officially broke up but I heard through the grapevine that they had reunited. Cherlyn started working at the restaurant and threatened me with a knife when we were alone. She said that they had never broken up and that I had seduced Donel, which was not true. I softly told her that he had lied to both of us and couldn’t be trusted. They both quit their jobs and began to stalk me. Cherlyn was very aggressive and I was concerned that she would hurt me. I had to move, place a privacy hold on my driver’s license and car registration, and change my phone number to unlisted. Thankfully, they didn’t harass me at my new apartment but it was rather frightening.
I’ve dated lots of other men and broke up with a few on my own. JT was a smart, funny, and jealous. He got all worked up about my gay friends. He could not imagine that a male-female relationship could be platonic. I know that jealously is based in fear and lack of trust. I should have urged couples counseling but ended our relationship instead. I’ve already written about some of the men I “hung out” with and never kissed. Not sure why we didn’t became physical. The mental attraction was there but we were too shy or just lacked the chemistry. Women have also asked me out and I’ve politely turned them down. No chemistry.
No more poison, please.
© 2013 Ima B. Musing
Third archer was Donel. We worked together and it was probably foolish of me to hook up with someone I’d see on the job. Chemistry overwhelmed me as our flirtations became intimate. He said that his former girlfriend was gone forever. Of course, his ex Cherlyn moved back to Minnesota and he started to act oddly. We never officially broke up but I heard through the grapevine that they had reunited. Cherlyn started working at the restaurant and threatened me with a knife when we were alone. She said that they had never broken up and that I had seduced Donel, which was not true. I softly told her that he had lied to both of us and couldn’t be trusted. They both quit their jobs and began to stalk me. Cherlyn was very aggressive and I was concerned that she would hurt me. I had to move, place a privacy hold on my driver’s license and car registration, and change my phone number to unlisted. Thankfully, they didn’t harass me at my new apartment but it was rather frightening.
I’ve dated lots of other men and broke up with a few on my own. JT was a smart, funny, and jealous. He got all worked up about my gay friends. He could not imagine that a male-female relationship could be platonic. I know that jealously is based in fear and lack of trust. I should have urged couples counseling but ended our relationship instead. I’ve already written about some of the men I “hung out” with and never kissed. Not sure why we didn’t became physical. The mental attraction was there but we were too shy or just lacked the chemistry. Women have also asked me out and I’ve politely turned them down. No chemistry.
No more poison, please.
© 2013 Ima B. Musing
Monday, January 7, 2013
DRAW YOUR BOW
Filled with a combination of anticipation and apprehension I signed up with the online dating www.okcupid.com website. Standard “who are you” profile outline and a photo started the process. Pleased that they require a photo of a human and have some basic decency standards.
Okcupid utilizes a behavioral questionnaire format to make its matches. You are asked a personal question with a few options, indicate what you would accept as a response from a potential match, and how important the question is to you. There is also an opportunity to write an independent retort to the question. It is a logical format and the more questions that you answer, the better opportunity that you have to be matched with someone who has similar responses. It is a tedious process but reasonable. They should provide detailed parameters of what “match, friend, and enemy” ratings entail which are listed next to a potential date.
Most of the questions are appropriate. Personal grooming habit inquests were a surprise. However, I am rather affronted by the continuous inquiry regarding drug usage and sex. Moderate social alcoholic consumption is fine but I have no interest in any other drugs. I wish that there would be a threshold query that stated, no drugs. Period. End of discussion.
As for sex, that is a private matter that I don’t care to discuss on their website. My libido is fully intact. I am a slow pot to boil regarding sexual interaction. It takes me a while to trust a man enough to be kissed, let alone touched. A one-night stand (aka sex on a first date or encounter) can be momentary thrilling. I’ve experienced one-niters but never felt emotionally fulfilled afterwards. Sex without emotion is merely exercise.
Granted, I haven’t been intimate for a while. Too long of a time. I am no longer a skinny twenty-something. I’m twice the woman that I was, gained a few wrinkles, and my hair turned completely white in my thirties. I hope that there is a nice guy who likes me and has integrity, intelligence, and a sense of humor. He need to be absolutely single and a nonsmoker. Politically socially liberal and tolerant of others. Somebody who will love me for my flaws. Perfection is an illusion.
Okcupid would be much improved if I could restrict messages from out of the geographical area; I only want to date local men. They should never refer to any woman as a girl, its derogatory. Some of the ads are annoying, especially concerning weight control and the site keeps trying to add cookies to my computer. If these issues persist, I may just sign off.
Cupid, shoot that arrow.
© 2013 Ima B. Musing
Okcupid utilizes a behavioral questionnaire format to make its matches. You are asked a personal question with a few options, indicate what you would accept as a response from a potential match, and how important the question is to you. There is also an opportunity to write an independent retort to the question. It is a logical format and the more questions that you answer, the better opportunity that you have to be matched with someone who has similar responses. It is a tedious process but reasonable. They should provide detailed parameters of what “match, friend, and enemy” ratings entail which are listed next to a potential date.
Most of the questions are appropriate. Personal grooming habit inquests were a surprise. However, I am rather affronted by the continuous inquiry regarding drug usage and sex. Moderate social alcoholic consumption is fine but I have no interest in any other drugs. I wish that there would be a threshold query that stated, no drugs. Period. End of discussion.
As for sex, that is a private matter that I don’t care to discuss on their website. My libido is fully intact. I am a slow pot to boil regarding sexual interaction. It takes me a while to trust a man enough to be kissed, let alone touched. A one-night stand (aka sex on a first date or encounter) can be momentary thrilling. I’ve experienced one-niters but never felt emotionally fulfilled afterwards. Sex without emotion is merely exercise.
Granted, I haven’t been intimate for a while. Too long of a time. I am no longer a skinny twenty-something. I’m twice the woman that I was, gained a few wrinkles, and my hair turned completely white in my thirties. I hope that there is a nice guy who likes me and has integrity, intelligence, and a sense of humor. He need to be absolutely single and a nonsmoker. Politically socially liberal and tolerant of others. Somebody who will love me for my flaws. Perfection is an illusion.
Okcupid would be much improved if I could restrict messages from out of the geographical area; I only want to date local men. They should never refer to any woman as a girl, its derogatory. Some of the ads are annoying, especially concerning weight control and the site keeps trying to add cookies to my computer. If these issues persist, I may just sign off.
Cupid, shoot that arrow.
© 2013 Ima B. Musing
Saturday, January 5, 2013
HAT IN THE RING
I’ve been attracted to males since pre-school. My first kiss was not romantic. In second grade I pushed a boy to the playground dirt, sat on him and kissed him. Since two older siblings got pregnant in high school, I was not permitted to date until I was sixteen. I really wasn’t interested in the foolish boys from my high school. The only guys I liked were dating someone else or lived in another city. No a lot of options in a little town. I was a goodie two shoes…
My first kiss was during my first semester in college. I attended the University of Minnesota, Waseca and lived on campus. I don’t even remember his name. The kiss was intense and I remember having a scratched face from his stubble. He wanted to have sex but I wasn’t ready for that experience so he never asked me out again. The campus was small and there weren’t very many fascinating men around.
Transferring from Waseca to U of M - Minneapolis greatly increased the number of eligible males. I tended to develop crushes on the unavailable ones, either homosexual or attached to someone else. I dated a few guys but never progressed beyond kissing until I was 20. Ted was eight years older and in graduate school. Smart, funny, cute. I fell in love and we made love. Ted was well-endowed and it was incredibly painful experience. I enjoyed being with him but the actual act of intercourse was atrocious. He broke up with me to travel Europe with an old girlfriend.
Ted broke my heart in seventeen places (silly clever Tracy Ullman song). Just after he departed I realized that I was pregnant. Took a home pregnancy test to confirm and freaked out. A couple days later I had an awful bleed. I went to Boynton Health Services to confirm that I had miscarried. They made sure that the entire placenta had discharged and diagnosed me with a tipped uterus. My bits are at a bad angle for both sex and carrying a child to term. I can become pregnant but it’s unlikely that I can ever give birth. What a depressing thing to learn at the tender age of twenty-one.
Love, marriage, and adopting kids were on my agenda right after I graduated from college. I dated on occasion. Selective about whom I had sex with since AIDS was a death plague. Only one guy really affected my heart. He ran away to Colorado and we never spoke again. I sought out counseling to deal with being sexually abused by my step-grandfather as a child. I have vacillated between wanting to be in a relationship and independence. Women tend to sacrifice more of themselves than men do in a relationship. Continued to seek a partner and all of a sudden I was forty-something.
It has been years since I’ve been on a date, let alone knocked the proverbial boots. I am filled with apprehension but I need to jump over the fear. I have signed up with a no-cost online Okcupid.com dating service. As I was registering, I actually received notes from men. What? I didn’t respond because how could we even check on compatibility if I hadn’t completed the questionnaire? I know several people who have met their mates via Match.com. ‘Tis better to try than sit at home and sigh.
Tea for Two.
© 2013 Ima B. Musing
My first kiss was during my first semester in college. I attended the University of Minnesota, Waseca and lived on campus. I don’t even remember his name. The kiss was intense and I remember having a scratched face from his stubble. He wanted to have sex but I wasn’t ready for that experience so he never asked me out again. The campus was small and there weren’t very many fascinating men around.
Transferring from Waseca to U of M - Minneapolis greatly increased the number of eligible males. I tended to develop crushes on the unavailable ones, either homosexual or attached to someone else. I dated a few guys but never progressed beyond kissing until I was 20. Ted was eight years older and in graduate school. Smart, funny, cute. I fell in love and we made love. Ted was well-endowed and it was incredibly painful experience. I enjoyed being with him but the actual act of intercourse was atrocious. He broke up with me to travel Europe with an old girlfriend.
Ted broke my heart in seventeen places (silly clever Tracy Ullman song). Just after he departed I realized that I was pregnant. Took a home pregnancy test to confirm and freaked out. A couple days later I had an awful bleed. I went to Boynton Health Services to confirm that I had miscarried. They made sure that the entire placenta had discharged and diagnosed me with a tipped uterus. My bits are at a bad angle for both sex and carrying a child to term. I can become pregnant but it’s unlikely that I can ever give birth. What a depressing thing to learn at the tender age of twenty-one.
Love, marriage, and adopting kids were on my agenda right after I graduated from college. I dated on occasion. Selective about whom I had sex with since AIDS was a death plague. Only one guy really affected my heart. He ran away to Colorado and we never spoke again. I sought out counseling to deal with being sexually abused by my step-grandfather as a child. I have vacillated between wanting to be in a relationship and independence. Women tend to sacrifice more of themselves than men do in a relationship. Continued to seek a partner and all of a sudden I was forty-something.
It has been years since I’ve been on a date, let alone knocked the proverbial boots. I am filled with apprehension but I need to jump over the fear. I have signed up with a no-cost online Okcupid.com dating service. As I was registering, I actually received notes from men. What? I didn’t respond because how could we even check on compatibility if I hadn’t completed the questionnaire? I know several people who have met their mates via Match.com. ‘Tis better to try than sit at home and sigh.
Tea for Two.
© 2013 Ima B. Musing
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