Tuesday, February 12, 2013


Attended a workshop conducted by 20% Theatre Company. It was an interesting mix of movement and thought. Expressive movement was an excellent starting point though I am not accustomed to being an interpretive dancer. Perhaps it would have been easier to waltz around with total strangers. We did not strip off our clothes but the seminar did provide vulnerability exploration. http://tctwentypercent.org

These are some of the questions that they posed and my responses below, though I only shared a segment of the answer with class participants.
* When I look in the mirror I see…
Existentially – an ugly bag of mostly water intertwined with a complicated soul connected to the Infinite Soul.
Negative: fat, menopausal female, middle-aged, white haired, becoming wrinkly, rarely wears makeup or fixes hair, short, dowdy, bad teeth, brittle fingernails, clothes out of style, et cetera…
Positive: alive, bright sapphire eyes
Reality: The good, bad, ugly and beautiful are garbled together. My visage of self-sufficiency barely covers my internal turmoil.

* When you look at me (Ima), you think…
Negative: weirdo, repulsed by the -isms, all the repellent items mentioned in previous question
Positive: eccentric, creative, storyteller, silly, makes me laugh
Reality: It all depends upon the depth of the relationship. First glances are usually wrong.

* When I am intimate with I feel…
Intimacy is both physical and emotional. I need the emotional connection before I can engage in the physical action otherwise sex is just another form of exercise.
Negative: vulnerable, cold feet, fear of rejection, shame, afraid the nightmares will return
Positive: protected, warm, loved, wanted, needed, desired, sexy, and voluptuous
Reality: I want to be loved for my flaws. I haven’t been physically intimate with a beau for a very, very, very long while. I have to overcome my accumulated fears and shame for real intimacy. I have to trust the man and myself; neither of us will be perfect. Perfection is an illusion.

* I feel most naked when…
I reveal myself, which is what I do when I blog
Repeatedly rejected by biological family
Ill with physical or mental health (anxiety, depression)
During doctor and dental office visits
Driving in hazardous conditions (icy, snow, cold)
I feel lonely and no one calls or returns my messages
Around pessimistic or glamorous people
I make mistakes, fear getting fired from job
Being financially poor
I am harmfully impacted by situations outside of my control
Nude, the first time a lover sees me naked
Facing fear and shame

How would you respond to these questions??? Feel free to write your answers in the comment area (no swearing, offensive or obscene language, though). Thank you in advance for sharing.

Totally Nude, Totally Naked
I’m ready for you!
(The Wallets song, RIP Steve Kramer)
© 2013 Ima B. Musing

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