Monday, October 25, 2010


He was bigger than me. I was rather scared but I punched him in the stomach. He cried and I was sent to the corner. I was about four years old and fought a bully, but I was punished. Granted, I shouldn’t have hit him. The teacher should have made the preschool a safe place and protected the “square pegs” like myself.

Bullies have harassed me since I was small. I loved learning but I hated to go to grammar school. I never fit in; I was the “odd duck.” My father told me it was my fault, my mother talked to the teacher and I was sent to see the Principal. All he did was tell the other kids to leave me alone. The result was social isolation. In 4th grade I came very close to committing suicide.

Middle school created the opportunity for older students to harangue me on the way to school. They taunted me even when I sat right behind the bus driver. He never did anything to stop them. One day they got off the bus to beat me up. Fortunately, I had my musical instrument case with me and used it to defend myself. The instrument wasn’t damaged but I was terrified. I refused to go to school for a week and came close to suicide again.

High school provided for bullies from the entire city to verbally abuse me. Upper class members protected me when I was with them. When they graduated, I became vulnerable. Thankfully, I had developed some friendships and found ways to meet people outside of my little town school. I joined a statewide group and learned that there were weirder kids than me in the world. Oddly enough, that was a relief because when a bully would say that I was strange I knew that I wasn’t as odd as a kid that I knew from a different town.

My biological family is not supportive; my eldest sibling is a bully. I have encountered bullies at work. I guess that I have a target on my soul; bullies seem to gravitate towards me. I wish that I could have told my little four-year old self to be a proud duck. Let the taunts of bullies slide off, like water slides off a duck. Swim or fly away. There are better ponds without bullies.

Bullies are cowards. They use words and actions to intimidate. They pick on others because their own self-esteem is crap. I have learned to ignore the bully, forgive and pity them. I have to avoid my family and hang out with nicer people. I choose to be with a family-of-choice, supportive people with whom have no biological connection. They are the best bully deflectors.

Life gets better, really.
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