Sunday, October 27, 2013


Lividly fuming because the United States Congress and President of the United States permitted the United States Governmental Shutdown to occur. Due to their infantile behavior in the region known as the Washington, DC Beltway Playpen, my Active Duty nephew-in-law was unable to access his military back-pay. They needed the money to procure gasoline to drive from their base to Minnesota because they could not afford to fly. My niece, their three kids, my other niece and her two kids couldn’t attend the memorial service. They were denied the ability to properly grieve because a bunch of morons decided to play games instead of compromise. I contacted some politicians but they could do nothing to access the funds.

Went into work because I had some projects to either complete or hand over to a colleague. It was good to be busy. Noise really bothered me so I kept the office door shut. Exhausting to express my sorrow in a professional manner. I informed my co-workers about my mom but didn’t mention it to any clients and only one community partner. I just told most people that I had to depart due to a family emergency. Since I don’t work full-time I only received 2.5 days of bereavement. Somehow, I managed to complete the projects within a day and a half. My co-workers were kind and a couple of them shared hugs. The grumpy receptionist even gave me her condolences. I handed over the projects to my boss just in case a problem popped up and hoped for the best. I’m not a control freak but I don’t like other people messing with my system. This is an incredibly busy time at work right now.

I returned to my abode after work to begin preparations for the funeral. I had to pick out an outfit. I chose a crushed velvet black dress with three-quarter sleeves and a V neck. Accessorized with simple silver earrings and flat silver chain, which my mom liked. Somber task. Made certain that the cats had food, water, clean litter box, and toys. Harvested from the garden and packed tomatoes to take to my Dad’s house. Informed my neighbors of my absence so that they could watch my home. Took a shower. Went through the motions of normalcy.

My friends have been checking in on me. We went out to consume calories the night before I ventured to the funeral. Good food but a grumpy waitron. I cried several times. I was glad for the companionship. The cats have been extra cuddly, I’m not sure if it is due to the cooler temps or that they sense that I need affection. I feel easily agitated, overwhelmed, and cheerless. I have been forcing myself to eat because I am not hungry, food tastes like ashes. The dreaded Alzheimer’s destroyed my Mom’s personality three years ago and chipped away more each day. She could still sustain a simple conversation until a week before her death, though she did repeat herself. I’m angry at whatever creator/deities permitted her to suffer. I have accepted that she is dead so denial isn’t a factor.

My body felt like it was buzzing. Stress, I presume. Fatigue. I nearly fell asleep while driving to my parent’s home. The route passes by the cemetery; it was eerie to see the mound of dirt piled next to the hole prepared for my mother’s body. I began to sob, again. Siblings #1 & #3 are staying with Dad. They were cool towards me but #1 actually acknowledged my presence. #2 came over with her grandkids. We ate supper. I kept falling asleep on the couch so I went to Betty’s house.

Experiencing a lot of aches and pains besides the psychological trauma. Probably exaggerated by the stress, brief and lack of proper sleep. Took a prescription painkiller but it made me constipated. Betty is more like an aunt than a first cousin. Her kids are older than me. Managed to rest after crying in bed. Dreamt of joining the circus and planting a garden that I would not see for six months. I asked someone to water it for me while I was gone. Odd.

Extra sparkly wings.
Copyright © 2013 by Ima B. Musing; All rights reserved

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