PIT-O-RAMA, Part II

Roopa telecommutes for a Minnesota company and was brought back for training. This was shortly after she began to suspect her husband of being a cheater. I was hopeful that it would be a good way for her to get some distance from the situation. Wrong, oh so wrong. All it did was provide time for her to twirl around in the Pit of Despair. Paranoia fueling anxiety and depression. Nasty.

Roopa got mad at me because I would not participate in what I called “Pit Behavior.” She accused me of not supporting her while she spewed hate about her husband. I was stunned by her behavior. I know that she is hurt and angry with Scott but it is inappropriate for her to lash out at me. I reiterated that she should meet with a licensed marriage therapist (who hopefully will prescribe some calming medication) and not make rash decisions.

She stood me up for dinner when she was visiting the Twin Cities. I was angry because I was so damn tired from a horrible week. Later that night we met and she wanted to go out to eat. She was driving and decided to call her family. Her kids were already in bed (they are staying with her sister) and she spoke with her brother-in-law. Whatever he was saying only upset her and we nearly had an accident. When we arrived at our destination I took the car keys and made her wait a while to calm down. She is so wound up in the Pit that she doesn’t even see it anymore. Unfortunately, her sister and brother-in-law are adding fuel to the pit. They never liked Scott and reinforce all her fears.

We didn’t part very well. Roopa accused me of telling our mutual friends about her marriage troubles. I had not but she didn’t believe me. She was irritated that I kept repeating “No pit” whenever she would slip into the negative and stating “See a licensed and experienced marriage therapist.” We briefly spoke before she departed but then she wouldn’t answer my calls. I have known her for nearly thirty years. She holds grudges but I will give her some time. Hopefully, she will see a therapist, get some meds, actually meet with her hubby in person instead of yelling over the phone, and crawl out of the pit.

We spoke almost a week after she returned home. She sounded a lot calmer and had already decided to divorce him. She refuses to see a couple’s therapist since the relationship is “over.” I think that is wrong but know better than to urge her to see a professional. I fear that her fear/anger will turn into something hideous to harm her and the kids. It’s her life but it is sad to watch. I have to support whatever decision she makes even if I think it may not be wise. Loyalty sucks sometimes.

Crawl out dear!
Copyright © 2013 by Ima B. Musing; All rights reserved.

CIRCLING THE PIT, Part I

“Don’t tell anyone,” is the worst phrase ever contrived. Secrets can only lead to bad stuff. Granted, a surprise party is nice but it can actually shock the honoree into an unpleasant experience. My dear friend Roopa called to tell me that she suspected that her husband of ten years was cheating on her. I was shocked. Her hubby, Scott, is an amiable person. He has always been courteous and clearly devoted to her and the kids.

Scott started working out of state a couple months ago and returns home for a long weekend once per month. During his last visit home he chatted on the phone with a female colleague for over an hour, which piqued Roopa’s interest. She confronted him and he denied. Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt. Roopa probably didn’t help by calling the woman and yelling, “Scott is married with two children” after he had returned to his city of employment.

Roopa is frantic with worry and anger. She is circling the pit of despair. Sadly, I have been there myself. One time I suspected that a boyfriend was cheating and we broke up. He actually was dating another woman and married her. My dad cheated on my mom with another man so he didn’t consider it an affair. Their marriage somehow survived. I could only advise that Roopa see a licensed and experienced marriage counselor, stay away from the pit with positive distraction, and take care of herself.

I hope that Scott isn’t a low down cheater. I hope that they will meet with a marriage counselor to repair their relationship. However, if Roopa does get a divorce I will still be her friend. I am the only person besides her sister that she has told. Unfortunately, I am sworn to secrecy. Actually, this column won’t be published until she has confided in others. I don’t want to be the one to spill these beans.

Your cheatin’ heart
Copyright © 2013 by Ima B. Musing; All rights reserved.