Roopa telecommutes for a Minnesota company and was brought back for training. This was shortly after she began to suspect her husband of being a cheater. I was hopeful that it would be a good way for her to get some distance from the situation. Wrong, oh so wrong. All it did was provide time for her to twirl around in the Pit of Despair. Paranoia fueling anxiety and depression. Nasty.
Roopa got mad at me because I would not participate in what I called “Pit Behavior.” She accused me of not supporting her while she spewed hate about her husband. I was stunned by her behavior. I know that she is hurt and angry with Scott but it is inappropriate for her to lash out at me. I reiterated that she should meet with a licensed marriage therapist (who hopefully will prescribe some calming medication) and not make rash decisions.
She stood me up for dinner when she was visiting the Twin Cities. I was angry because I was so damn tired from a horrible week. Later that night we met and she wanted to go out to eat. She was driving and decided to call her family. Her kids were already in bed (they are staying with her sister) and she spoke with her brother-in-law. Whatever he was saying only upset her and we nearly had an accident. When we arrived at our destination I took the car keys and made her wait a while to calm down. She is so wound up in the Pit that she doesn’t even see it anymore. Unfortunately, her sister and brother-in-law are adding fuel to the pit. They never liked Scott and reinforce all her fears.
We didn’t part very well. Roopa accused me of telling our mutual friends about her marriage troubles. I had not but she didn’t believe me. She was irritated that I kept repeating “No pit” whenever she would slip into the negative and stating “See a licensed and experienced marriage therapist.” We briefly spoke before she departed but then she wouldn’t answer my calls. I have known her for nearly thirty years. She holds grudges but I will give her some time. Hopefully, she will see a therapist, get some meds, actually meet with her hubby in person instead of yelling over the phone, and crawl out of the pit.
We spoke almost a week after she returned home. She sounded a lot calmer and had already decided to divorce him. She refuses to see a couple’s therapist since the relationship is “over.” I think that is wrong but know better than to urge her to see a professional. I fear that her fear/anger will turn into something hideous to harm her and the kids. It’s her life but it is sad to watch. I have to support whatever decision she makes even if I think it may not be wise. Loyalty sucks sometimes.
Crawl out dear!
Copyright © 2013 by Ima B. Musing; All rights reserved.
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Monday, September 16, 2013
Friday, September 13, 2013
CIRCLING THE PIT, Part I
“Don’t tell anyone,” is the worst phrase ever contrived. Secrets can only lead to bad stuff. Granted, a surprise party is nice but it can actually shock the honoree into an unpleasant experience. My dear friend Roopa called to tell me that she suspected that her husband of ten years was cheating on her. I was shocked. Her hubby, Scott, is an amiable person. He has always been courteous and clearly devoted to her and the kids.
Scott started working out of state a couple months ago and returns home for a long weekend once per month. During his last visit home he chatted on the phone with a female colleague for over an hour, which piqued Roopa’s interest. She confronted him and he denied. Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt. Roopa probably didn’t help by calling the woman and yelling, “Scott is married with two children” after he had returned to his city of employment.
Roopa is frantic with worry and anger. She is circling the pit of despair. Sadly, I have been there myself. One time I suspected that a boyfriend was cheating and we broke up. He actually was dating another woman and married her. My dad cheated on my mom with another man so he didn’t consider it an affair. Their marriage somehow survived. I could only advise that Roopa see a licensed and experienced marriage counselor, stay away from the pit with positive distraction, and take care of herself.
I hope that Scott isn’t a low down cheater. I hope that they will meet with a marriage counselor to repair their relationship. However, if Roopa does get a divorce I will still be her friend. I am the only person besides her sister that she has told. Unfortunately, I am sworn to secrecy. Actually, this column won’t be published until she has confided in others. I don’t want to be the one to spill these beans.
Your cheatin’ heart
Copyright © 2013 by Ima B. Musing; All rights reserved.
Scott started working out of state a couple months ago and returns home for a long weekend once per month. During his last visit home he chatted on the phone with a female colleague for over an hour, which piqued Roopa’s interest. She confronted him and he denied. Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt. Roopa probably didn’t help by calling the woman and yelling, “Scott is married with two children” after he had returned to his city of employment.
Roopa is frantic with worry and anger. She is circling the pit of despair. Sadly, I have been there myself. One time I suspected that a boyfriend was cheating and we broke up. He actually was dating another woman and married her. My dad cheated on my mom with another man so he didn’t consider it an affair. Their marriage somehow survived. I could only advise that Roopa see a licensed and experienced marriage counselor, stay away from the pit with positive distraction, and take care of herself.
I hope that Scott isn’t a low down cheater. I hope that they will meet with a marriage counselor to repair their relationship. However, if Roopa does get a divorce I will still be her friend. I am the only person besides her sister that she has told. Unfortunately, I am sworn to secrecy. Actually, this column won’t be published until she has confided in others. I don’t want to be the one to spill these beans.
Your cheatin’ heart
Copyright © 2013 by Ima B. Musing; All rights reserved.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
ALL ABOARD
I think it’s hilarious and incredibly absurd when a man states, “I don’t want anyone with baggage.” Life is baggage. Everything that happens (good, bad, beautiful, and ugly) defines who you are as a human. No baggage equals an ugly bag of mostly water. It is all about how you carry your baggage as you travel on the train of life. Does it burden and torture you or not? You can chose to accept that the baggage exists and store it away so that it only causes a bother on a rare occasion.
My heart has been crushed many times. Body and mind overwhelmed by pain. Mentally fueled anxiety of what did I do wrong, what didn’t I do, what is wrong with me, etcetera. Crash into the drowning depths of depression, which is swirled by the anguish of anxiety. Terrible experience. No desires to eat, drink, sleep or else too much sleep. It’s a torturous whirlpool that threatens the death of hope, dreams, the future, and possibly physical demise. Jumping off the train.
When you crawl out of the pit and shake off the pain, you are scarred. You feel hesitant to enter into another romantic relationship. You hold back your heart and reduce your expectations. You ignore flirtations and forget to flirt with potential mates. Time elapses, your looks fade into wrinkles as your waistline expands. You blink and you are middle aged. Alone. Sometimes lonely.
The only cure is a romantic relationship. You dust off your hopes and dreams and sign up with an online dating service. You take a chance that someone will find your baggage appealing. Seeking a mate who will want to ride together for a while or until you transfer to another experience (aka death). Love lightens the luggage and makes it more bearable. Love helps to heal the scars of pain. Get me on the love train!
Boarding Pass: Hope Junction
© 2013 Ima B. Musing
My heart has been crushed many times. Body and mind overwhelmed by pain. Mentally fueled anxiety of what did I do wrong, what didn’t I do, what is wrong with me, etcetera. Crash into the drowning depths of depression, which is swirled by the anguish of anxiety. Terrible experience. No desires to eat, drink, sleep or else too much sleep. It’s a torturous whirlpool that threatens the death of hope, dreams, the future, and possibly physical demise. Jumping off the train.
When you crawl out of the pit and shake off the pain, you are scarred. You feel hesitant to enter into another romantic relationship. You hold back your heart and reduce your expectations. You ignore flirtations and forget to flirt with potential mates. Time elapses, your looks fade into wrinkles as your waistline expands. You blink and you are middle aged. Alone. Sometimes lonely.
The only cure is a romantic relationship. You dust off your hopes and dreams and sign up with an online dating service. You take a chance that someone will find your baggage appealing. Seeking a mate who will want to ride together for a while or until you transfer to another experience (aka death). Love lightens the luggage and makes it more bearable. Love helps to heal the scars of pain. Get me on the love train!
Boarding Pass: Hope Junction
© 2013 Ima B. Musing
Monday, February 13, 2012
TALK NERDY TO ME
Since perfection is an illusion, I will be content with Mr. Wonderful. Perhaps I have delayed too long. I didn’t want to get married until I finished my undergrad education. It took me five years to work my way through college. I expected to find a great guy and get hitched anytime after the age of 22. My first “love” Terry broke my heart and left for Europe to visit his old girlfriend. I worked at a horrible job for a year and decided to return to graduate school. Procured a master degree and planned to find a mate and jump the broom after the age of 25. Dated Mike, he proposed and I requested a bit more time. He dumped me and married someone else within a year. Didn’t hurt as much as breaking up with my first serious boyfriend (I was dealing with the miscarriage when Terry left town).
I dated a lot during my 20s, a bit during my 30s, and nada in my 40s. I have made plenty of relationship mistakes. I don’t know if “one got away” like a fish slipping a hook. I have hung out with several guys that I never kissed. Not sure why. More of an intellectual match than a physical spark. I do wonder about Keith. He and I got along very well during grad school. I finally decided that I wanted to kiss him but he disappeared and moved out west. A few years later he returned to Minnesota, got married, and had four kids. I wonder if I should have gone over to his house and grabbed him before he ran away. Not healthy to dwell on the “what if” scenario.
Intelligence is the number one trait. I am attracted to smart men. Not arrogantly intelligent. Smart enough to know that they aren’t smart enough to know everything. Honesty and integrity is the foundation of a good relationship. If we cant trust each other, what is the point of communicating? Humor is important. Not to be mean to others but to chuckle at the foibles of life. Open minded and accepting of diversity is imperative.
Physical traits aren’t all that important. Grooming is, like taking a shower, brushing teeth, and wearing clean clothes. The clothes don’t have to be fancy but at least not raggedy. I really like nice teeth; perhaps it is because I spent so much time with horses as a kid. My grandpa said that the teeth are an accurate indicator of health of an animal. Also, I feel rather self-conscious of my teeth because they are weak. I do not like aggressive men because any form of abuse is not acceptable. Period. End of Discussion.
Infidelity is not tolerated. It is fine to date other people but once a couple declares their “love” or commitment to each other, the sidebar relationships must end. The only exception is if the couple has an “open” relationship and both people can date other people. Full disclosure is better than cheating. However, if they have kids or get married the sidebars must stop because polygamy is reprehensible. Kids get neglected when their parents are diverted by other relationships.
I don’t feel very self-confident right now. My anxiety level is deplorably high due to extended unemployment. I need a nice person who loves me because of my myriad imperfections. I don't mind being single but committed coupling would be enjoyable. It would be absolutely fabulous to be accepted, appreciated, respected, and physically touched.
Wookin pa nub.
(Buckwheat Sings by Eddie Murphy)
© 2012 Ima B. Musing
I dated a lot during my 20s, a bit during my 30s, and nada in my 40s. I have made plenty of relationship mistakes. I don’t know if “one got away” like a fish slipping a hook. I have hung out with several guys that I never kissed. Not sure why. More of an intellectual match than a physical spark. I do wonder about Keith. He and I got along very well during grad school. I finally decided that I wanted to kiss him but he disappeared and moved out west. A few years later he returned to Minnesota, got married, and had four kids. I wonder if I should have gone over to his house and grabbed him before he ran away. Not healthy to dwell on the “what if” scenario.
Intelligence is the number one trait. I am attracted to smart men. Not arrogantly intelligent. Smart enough to know that they aren’t smart enough to know everything. Honesty and integrity is the foundation of a good relationship. If we cant trust each other, what is the point of communicating? Humor is important. Not to be mean to others but to chuckle at the foibles of life. Open minded and accepting of diversity is imperative.
Physical traits aren’t all that important. Grooming is, like taking a shower, brushing teeth, and wearing clean clothes. The clothes don’t have to be fancy but at least not raggedy. I really like nice teeth; perhaps it is because I spent so much time with horses as a kid. My grandpa said that the teeth are an accurate indicator of health of an animal. Also, I feel rather self-conscious of my teeth because they are weak. I do not like aggressive men because any form of abuse is not acceptable. Period. End of Discussion.
Infidelity is not tolerated. It is fine to date other people but once a couple declares their “love” or commitment to each other, the sidebar relationships must end. The only exception is if the couple has an “open” relationship and both people can date other people. Full disclosure is better than cheating. However, if they have kids or get married the sidebars must stop because polygamy is reprehensible. Kids get neglected when their parents are diverted by other relationships.
I don’t feel very self-confident right now. My anxiety level is deplorably high due to extended unemployment. I need a nice person who loves me because of my myriad imperfections. I don't mind being single but committed coupling would be enjoyable. It would be absolutely fabulous to be accepted, appreciated, respected, and physically touched.
Wookin pa nub.
(Buckwheat Sings by Eddie Murphy)
© 2012 Ima B. Musing
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
CONGRESS, BUILD A HOME!
Good communication is essential for every relationship. It was nice that some Members of Congress sat next to each other during the State of the Union 2011 speech, but as you know, the United States Congress has not been communicating very well for several years and the entire population suffers as a result.
In an effort to improve communication, it is proposed that:
112th CONGRESS BUILDS A HABITAT FOR HUMANITY HOME IN WASHINGTON, DC.
Only elected members of the US 112th Congress (sworn in January 2011) would be permitted to volunteer their time to work on the home within the "Beltway." Habitat is a trustworthy charity and would provide a neutral location for members to get to know each other. It would be required for half the volunteers to be "liberal" and half "conservative" during each shift, example: 10 volunteers needed so 5 would be Democrat and 5 would be Republican. Independent party (Tea Party)-unaffiliated members of Congress would join the political party that they vote with the majority of the time. Technically, conservatives currently outnumber liberals so one extra Republican per shift would be permitted.
No cameras, microphones or cell phones would be allowed on the site. The goal is to construct a home for a deserving family and build personal relationships in Congress. Donations to the project would be anonymous, as to avoid corporate sponsorship or influence from lobbyists. The goal is to complete construction before they get busy with the next election.
Each Senator and Representative would assist for several shifts (the exact number depends upon the specific house). If they were physically unable to help due to an injury or physical condition, would serve their shift in the hospitality tent and serve coffee and snacks to the workers. If they are unable to assist with hospitality, they could send their Chief of Staff (no other exemptions are permitted). The Caucus Office of each party could schedule shifts with DC Habitat office. Building a home takes several months so there is ample opportunity to schedule a shift.
Members are not permitted to take on extra shifts or substitute for someone. The point of this effort is to create a shared experience for ALL MEMBERS OF CONGRESS. It won’t work if only a few folks participate. Many members have already helped at homes in their local district or even in DC but the 112th Congress effort is unique. Perhaps they will get along better if they hammer nails along side of each other. Habitat for Humanity of Washington, DC has already indicated a willingness to do this project. To learn about their organization, visit www.dchabitat.org for more information.
Post a comment and let me know what you think of this idea.
(c) 2011
In an effort to improve communication, it is proposed that:
112th CONGRESS BUILDS A HABITAT FOR HUMANITY HOME IN WASHINGTON, DC.
Only elected members of the US 112th Congress (sworn in January 2011) would be permitted to volunteer their time to work on the home within the "Beltway." Habitat is a trustworthy charity and would provide a neutral location for members to get to know each other. It would be required for half the volunteers to be "liberal" and half "conservative" during each shift, example: 10 volunteers needed so 5 would be Democrat and 5 would be Republican. Independent party (Tea Party)-unaffiliated members of Congress would join the political party that they vote with the majority of the time. Technically, conservatives currently outnumber liberals so one extra Republican per shift would be permitted.
No cameras, microphones or cell phones would be allowed on the site. The goal is to construct a home for a deserving family and build personal relationships in Congress. Donations to the project would be anonymous, as to avoid corporate sponsorship or influence from lobbyists. The goal is to complete construction before they get busy with the next election.
Each Senator and Representative would assist for several shifts (the exact number depends upon the specific house). If they were physically unable to help due to an injury or physical condition, would serve their shift in the hospitality tent and serve coffee and snacks to the workers. If they are unable to assist with hospitality, they could send their Chief of Staff (no other exemptions are permitted). The Caucus Office of each party could schedule shifts with DC Habitat office. Building a home takes several months so there is ample opportunity to schedule a shift.
Members are not permitted to take on extra shifts or substitute for someone. The point of this effort is to create a shared experience for ALL MEMBERS OF CONGRESS. It won’t work if only a few folks participate. Many members have already helped at homes in their local district or even in DC but the 112th Congress effort is unique. Perhaps they will get along better if they hammer nails along side of each other. Habitat for Humanity of Washington, DC has already indicated a willingness to do this project. To learn about their organization, visit www.dchabitat.org for more information.
Post a comment and let me know what you think of this idea.
(c) 2011
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