I hate you,
You hate me,
We’re a dys-functional family…
(Inspired by Barney, the purple dinosaur’s song)
My family sucks. The eldest sibling decided to hate me when I went to college. She got the stupid ass notion that our parents paid for my education. What a laugh. They gave me a few groceries and rides to and from school a couple times per year. That was it. I worked all during school and ended up with over $30,000 debt upon graduation.
Through the years her paranoia has increased. She has convinced sister number two to despise me. They have both borrowed money from our parents and have never paid them back. Both of them received hundreds of hours of free babysitting and lots of stuff. They have lived with our parents on occasion with their children, too. I have never asked for nor expected money or items from our parents. My dad said that siblings number one and two don’t believe him when he tells them that I am self sufficient. They are certain that I am a lesbian because I haven’t been married or bring men to visit. Their kids just go along with the crap. Multi-generational stupidity. Our mom didn’t like her sister, either.
When I bought a house almost nine years ago they were certain that our parents paid for it. Ha! I have a huge mortgage. I am making payments despite being unemployed. I have never purposely provoked my siblings. About fifteen years ago I gave them all a book of encouragement for sexual abuse survivors. I had been seeing a therapist and I wanted them to benefit from mental health counseling. That didn’t go over very well so I dropped the subject (“Letting Out the Demons” January 2011 blog for details). I strive not to complain or say negative things about them to other family members.
As an optimist, I try to keep the communication lines open. I didn’t visit for nearly six months after they were horribly rude to me. I sent my sister an email letting her know that I would be in town and hoped to see her. I was busy visiting family and friends but she never called. Our parents said that she usually works during the weekend. She had indicated a long while ago that she didn’t like phone calls so I didn’t call. I returned home and she called me with a nasty attitude. I remained calm and told her that I tried to make contact but she was still angry. I am perplexed. Why would she want to see me since she hates me?
I can only control my reaction. I really strive not to be bothered by their stupidity but it bugs me. I wish that they would be supportive and kind but that will never occur. They are not happy with anything that I say or do or don’t say or don’t do. I feel vulnerable in their presence. I don’t have anyone to take along and provide back up or comfort. I avoid my family like the plague. That is my best coping mechanism.
I’d like to cut off all communication but I maintain tenuous contact because of our parents. I feel ill after visiting. I have enough stress with unemployment (ten months), delayed repairs to my house, financial fears, and striving not to burden friends with my problems. I wish that I could divorce them.
Sick of striving.