Friday, July 26, 2013


Fifty months of toil, over four years of strife, I have been under or unemployed since summer of 2009. I have completed hundred & hundreds of applications and gone on dozens of interviews. I stopped counting because it is too damn depressing. Thousands of hours have been spent searching on-line, being interviewed, and attending networking events. There is a cost for on-line access, mileage, nylons, and thank-you notes. I have a Master degree and over ten years of work experience but I can’t get hired.

I’ve procured a part-time job but the pay is horrible and there are no benefits. I’ve applied for other part-time jobs to fill in the gap but no go. Age discrimination? I dyed my hair a light brown. Size discrimination? I’ve been trying to lose weight. Education discrimination? I removed my Master degree from my resume so it won’t intimidate people. What else do I need to do? I’ve been singing and dancing as fast as I can…

No health or vision insurance. I’ll never be able to retire. One catastrophe away from bankruptcy. I am a frugal person. My savings are nearly depleted though I only purchase absolute necessities. Poverty breaks your heart. You lose hope. Depression and fear can be paralyzing. I wonder why. The big WHY. I wonder what I have done so wrong that I must experience this suffering. I know that I am fortunate compared to millions of people living in the world but it would be nice to be middle-class again. I’d like to return to being a donor to charities instead of a recipient.

My car needs tires and a tune up. Actually, I really need a car with better mileage. I need an oven that doesn’t spew carbon monoxide when I cook. My shower needs to be repaired. The washing machine is dead. My front walkway needs replacing, it’s a hazard. I have delayed and deferred home maintenance that I fear being cited by the city. I’d love to refinance the house at a lower interest rate but no bank will re-mortgage me while I only work part-time. I need dental work done. I have an outstanding bill at a nonprofit community medical clinic; I have to pay for another cervical biopsy because they are concerned that I have cancer. I don’t have the energy to fret. I won’t treat it anyway because of lack of funds.

Bitch bitch, moan moan. I feel to sick and tired of trying. My options are running out. I am headed towards bankruptcy unless I get a better paying job soon. I cry every time I get rejected after an interview. Anxiety is my constant companion. If you have ever received any joy from reading this blog, please make a contribution. You pay to go to the movies or a concert, right? This blog is an art form. I express myself with words instead of a paintbrush or clay. Please donate to my cause, “Feed the Kitty” at Thank you for your time and consideration of this request. Tilly and ZoZo express gratitude, too!!

All gifts are graciously accepted.
Copyright © 2013 by Ima B. Musing; All rights reserved.

No comments: