Insomnia is a bitch. Right now it is 2am and though my body is fatigued, my restless mind is whirling. Generally, I procure four to six hours of slumber each evening. I rarely gain uninterrupted sleep. I wake easily and am a tosser-turner on a good night. The bladder bellows at least once per evening, which is exasperating. Plus, I have sleep apnea and I fear that my breathing machine will break. I cannot afford to buy a new one. Inability to sleep is torturous. It wrecks the next day entirely.
Stress is insidious. It currently permeates every aspect of my existence. I am tense about my lack of income and trying to accomplish full-time work in part-time hours at a lousy paying dead-end job. I am troubled watching heinous Alzheimer’s consume my Mother. I am hassled by the horrid auto insurance company accusing me of lying about my injuries due to an auto crash that I did not cause. I still experience pain from the accident but have no health insurance. The yard needs to be prepped for spring. So much to do and not enough time to accomplish it all. My calendar is full and I feel frazzled. It churns in a mental twister.
I chewed my fingernails until my mid-twenties and finally broke the habit after I began to see a mental health counselor. However, when I am stressed I begin to chew again. Recently I unconsciously began to tear them off. Thus, I now have extremely short nails because I decided to trim the remainder instead of chomping on them. Not attractive.
Stress drives me to eat away my anxiety. Food in the tummy calms me down. If I get too fretful I tip the other way and can’t eat as I fall into depression. It’s a blade of a knife. I need to lose weight but mental anguish should not be the cause. I strive to take a walk or putter in the garden on a daily basis, weather permitting. Television programs are usually mediocre and I can’t afford any type of entertainment. I can fall into the storyline of a well-crafted novel for distraction. Thank goodness library books are free, well, I pay for access via my taxes. The cats are helpful. They make me take care of their needs and reward me with purrs. Writing is therapeutic, which is why I enjoy blogging and hearing back from kindred readers. It would be nice to have a beau; perhaps coupling would help me to relax.
Enough already! After an extremely dreadful phase, I am feeling better. I shall switch to cheerier topics in forthcoming entries!
Seeking R & R
© Copyright 2013 Ima B. Musing: all rights reserved.
Showing posts with label mental health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mental health. Show all posts
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Thursday, February 14, 2013
TEN YEAR 20/20
Wrote a letter to my ten year old self. No specific order but I wish that someone had told me. Hopefully, I would have listened and followed the advise. Another exercise inspired by 20% Theatre Company.
Dear Ten Year Old Ima,
Never doubt yourself
Write down stories from Grandparents. Record their voices on tape and film
Learn about ancestors; catalogue names, dates and all information possible
Enroll in Grandpa's tribe
Don’t get dragged into the negative elements of fundamentalist faith, focus on animism
Make a lot of friends and be a good friend
Never hide your intelligence, be proud to be a geek
Get mental health counseling from licensed art therapist NOW
Put money into retirement and college accounts NOW
Use a lunch bag, not a metal lunch box
Clean the aquarium with soapy water, not the garden hose
Don’t play a musical instrument, join choir instead
Enjoy being eccentric, don’t ever attempt to conform
Convince the popular kids to like you but don’t join their nasty clique
Befriend adults in the area who have connections to Ivy League or Oxford Colleges
Convince them to sponsor your college application and help secure loans and grants
Never be silent or hold your tongue, though don’t be cruel or mean to others
Procure GED as soon as possible and get out of town
Travel the world for a few years and become fluent in several languages
Attend a prestigious college, earn a Master of Fine Arts, and join a sorority
Obtain a PHD in cultural anthropology, become a pracademic
Stay physically active, don't gain weight
Date a lot of men, sleep with few
Adopt kids, with or without a spouse
Advocate for yourself, you deserve the best
Reside on every continent
Earn living as an artist after retiring from teaching and research
Divorce toxic biological family
Don’t regret anything that you say or do, apologize and move on
Jump over fear & shame and run towards happiness
Know that you are worthy of love, health, and wealth
Best Wishes,
Middle-Aged Ima
Thrive, don’t just survive.
© 2013 Ima B. Musing
Dear Ten Year Old Ima,
Never doubt yourself
Write down stories from Grandparents. Record their voices on tape and film
Learn about ancestors; catalogue names, dates and all information possible
Enroll in Grandpa's tribe
Don’t get dragged into the negative elements of fundamentalist faith, focus on animism
Make a lot of friends and be a good friend
Never hide your intelligence, be proud to be a geek
Get mental health counseling from licensed art therapist NOW
Put money into retirement and college accounts NOW
Use a lunch bag, not a metal lunch box
Clean the aquarium with soapy water, not the garden hose
Don’t play a musical instrument, join choir instead
Enjoy being eccentric, don’t ever attempt to conform
Convince the popular kids to like you but don’t join their nasty clique
Befriend adults in the area who have connections to Ivy League or Oxford Colleges
Convince them to sponsor your college application and help secure loans and grants
Never be silent or hold your tongue, though don’t be cruel or mean to others
Procure GED as soon as possible and get out of town
Travel the world for a few years and become fluent in several languages
Attend a prestigious college, earn a Master of Fine Arts, and join a sorority
Obtain a PHD in cultural anthropology, become a pracademic
Stay physically active, don't gain weight
Date a lot of men, sleep with few
Adopt kids, with or without a spouse
Advocate for yourself, you deserve the best
Reside on every continent
Earn living as an artist after retiring from teaching and research
Divorce toxic biological family
Don’t regret anything that you say or do, apologize and move on
Jump over fear & shame and run towards happiness
Know that you are worthy of love, health, and wealth
Best Wishes,
Middle-Aged Ima
Thrive, don’t just survive.
© 2013 Ima B. Musing
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
NEW YEAR WISHES
World Peace. Yes, but let’s be practical. My number one aspiration for 2013 is a full time job with benefits in the Twin Cities, MN area, preferably the East Metro. I want a job that I am good at and enjoy, with a nice boss and co-workers. I need enough money to pay the bills, donate to charity, and save for retirement. I continue to diligently apply for positions and seek interviews.
Second desire is a beau. It would be enjoyable to have romantic companionship. A nice man with integrity, intelligence, and wit. Single and a nonsmoker. Physical contact, mmm. He should be politically liberal-leaning, patron of the arts, tolerant of people that he disagrees with, and likes cats. I have recently joined a no-cost online dating service and will write about my adventures.
Good health is a perennial requirement. I need to lose weight but otherwise I am doing okay. Gradually, more aches and pains are expressing themselves. I don’t heal as quickly as I used to and my energy level can wane at times. Mental health is just as important as physical health. Despite all the stress of life, I have been able to maintain a fairly optimistic attitude. I hit nasty bumps but I’m getting better at returning to level emotional ground. It’s all about how I react to problems. I can only control my response.
Spiritual well being is another method of emotional grounding. I’m glad that I joined the Unitarian-Universalist faith-based group last year. They are extremely liberal and tolerant. I can be an Animist who questions the existence of Creator(s) and be welcomed as a member of the congregation. I am becoming more active and getting to know people.
I continue to yearn for a better relationship with members of my family. Unfortunately, that has been an unfulfilled wish for many years. It’s better for my mental health just to stay away from them. No matter what I say or do, they consider it wrong. I feel too vulnerable right now to deal with their drama. Sad, sad situation.
Creativity is another objective. I greatly enjoy blogging, volunteering, and coordinating the Cash Mob St Paul MN group. I’d like to explore creative writing and visual arts. It’s been a while since I’ve let my imagination run wild. I don’t expect to make money but perhaps I can craft gifts for my friends.
As always, thank you for your readership. I am most honored that you patronize this odd blog. I greatly appreciate your support and when you refer others to view my writings. The more the merrier!
Have a Fantastic 2013!
© 2013 Ima B. Musing
Second desire is a beau. It would be enjoyable to have romantic companionship. A nice man with integrity, intelligence, and wit. Single and a nonsmoker. Physical contact, mmm. He should be politically liberal-leaning, patron of the arts, tolerant of people that he disagrees with, and likes cats. I have recently joined a no-cost online dating service and will write about my adventures.
Good health is a perennial requirement. I need to lose weight but otherwise I am doing okay. Gradually, more aches and pains are expressing themselves. I don’t heal as quickly as I used to and my energy level can wane at times. Mental health is just as important as physical health. Despite all the stress of life, I have been able to maintain a fairly optimistic attitude. I hit nasty bumps but I’m getting better at returning to level emotional ground. It’s all about how I react to problems. I can only control my response.
Spiritual well being is another method of emotional grounding. I’m glad that I joined the Unitarian-Universalist faith-based group last year. They are extremely liberal and tolerant. I can be an Animist who questions the existence of Creator(s) and be welcomed as a member of the congregation. I am becoming more active and getting to know people.
I continue to yearn for a better relationship with members of my family. Unfortunately, that has been an unfulfilled wish for many years. It’s better for my mental health just to stay away from them. No matter what I say or do, they consider it wrong. I feel too vulnerable right now to deal with their drama. Sad, sad situation.
Creativity is another objective. I greatly enjoy blogging, volunteering, and coordinating the Cash Mob St Paul MN group. I’d like to explore creative writing and visual arts. It’s been a while since I’ve let my imagination run wild. I don’t expect to make money but perhaps I can craft gifts for my friends.
As always, thank you for your readership. I am most honored that you patronize this odd blog. I greatly appreciate your support and when you refer others to view my writings. The more the merrier!
Have a Fantastic 2013!
© 2013 Ima B. Musing
Thursday, December 20, 2012
CULTURE OF VIOLENCE
It’s bad enough when adults harm each other but utterly despicable when an adult targets the vulnerable, which may be a child, at-risk adult, or animal. Absolute coward. They don’t have the chutzpah enough to settle their dispute verbally. They hide behind a gun or other means of destruction. Do we really want mass murder to become the norm?
I am so sick of hearing about men*, many of whom are young, that use guns to shoot other humans. Do they think that they will die in a blaze of glory? Sorry, but that is reserved for heroines-heroes who willingly sacrifice themselves to help others. All the perpetrator will be remembered for is their complete and profound spinelessness. Their dispute is buried by the chaos. (Note: *women are also violent, but do not harm or kill others as often as men.)
I was busy all day Friday, December 7th and didn’t hear about the Sandy Hook School tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut until the evening news. I was stunned and hurt. As a teacher, I was always protective of my students. I have a responsibility to help them. We never had safety instruction when I was teaching. The Minnesota communities of Red Lake and Rocori are still recovering from their school shootings. A mass casualty catastrophe occurred this summer at Accent Signage in Minneapolis, another heartbreaking statistic in our sadistic society. Why does it happen more in America than elsewhere?
Congress must permanently reinstate the assault weapons ban, conduct a buy and melt program for guns, legally require gun owners to lock their weapons and ammunition, and States should enact laws to strip the Second Amendment to the minimum. Culturally, we must demand that violence is never acceptable. Don’t glamorize the Culture of Violence. Bullying, harassment, assault, abuse, neglect, et cetera are all forms of violence. I never purchased any toys or books that celebrated brutality as gifts for the children in my life. I repeatedly told my nieces and nephews that if they used aggression, the courts would be the least of their worries.
Parents must take the responsibility to teach their children appropriate methods to work out stress, anxiety, fear and anger. All adults serve as role models. Be careful what you say and do, the young ones are watching and learning from you. Enroll in stress reduction classes, practice meditation, yoga or use regular exercise to reduce tension. Parents also need to connect the child to the community by volunteering on a regular basis. One-time events are nice but kids need to form relationships and care about others outside their family and friends circle. Youth need to know that every person in a community is connected in a web of inner-dependency.
There is a direct correlation between exposure to violence in entertainment and media and the rise in aggression. I have complained before how the news media has been twisted into reading the police reports instead of providing real journalism. I miss hearing/reading local stories. I don’t want a law enforcement blotter. Don’t they realize that they are feeding the Culture of Violence?
Mental illness makes a person more VULNERABLE to be a victim or to harm themselves. Even if a person has a SPMI (serious and persistent mental illness) diagnosis, it doesn’t mean that the mental illness caused them to be violent. Does a person with diabetes get blamed when their insulin level drops and they become angry before passing out? No! Why should a person with mental illness be blamed when their emotions surge? Stigma is a vicious circle, it causes people to deny their problems and not seek help. When they do need help, it must be available. There must be adequate funding to pay for mental health services instead of waiting for a crisis. An ounce of prevention is worth thousands of pounds of cure.
Visit www.nami.org for the facts.
Stay safe.
© 2012 Ima B. Musing
I am so sick of hearing about men*, many of whom are young, that use guns to shoot other humans. Do they think that they will die in a blaze of glory? Sorry, but that is reserved for heroines-heroes who willingly sacrifice themselves to help others. All the perpetrator will be remembered for is their complete and profound spinelessness. Their dispute is buried by the chaos. (Note: *women are also violent, but do not harm or kill others as often as men.)
I was busy all day Friday, December 7th and didn’t hear about the Sandy Hook School tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut until the evening news. I was stunned and hurt. As a teacher, I was always protective of my students. I have a responsibility to help them. We never had safety instruction when I was teaching. The Minnesota communities of Red Lake and Rocori are still recovering from their school shootings. A mass casualty catastrophe occurred this summer at Accent Signage in Minneapolis, another heartbreaking statistic in our sadistic society. Why does it happen more in America than elsewhere?
Congress must permanently reinstate the assault weapons ban, conduct a buy and melt program for guns, legally require gun owners to lock their weapons and ammunition, and States should enact laws to strip the Second Amendment to the minimum. Culturally, we must demand that violence is never acceptable. Don’t glamorize the Culture of Violence. Bullying, harassment, assault, abuse, neglect, et cetera are all forms of violence. I never purchased any toys or books that celebrated brutality as gifts for the children in my life. I repeatedly told my nieces and nephews that if they used aggression, the courts would be the least of their worries.
Parents must take the responsibility to teach their children appropriate methods to work out stress, anxiety, fear and anger. All adults serve as role models. Be careful what you say and do, the young ones are watching and learning from you. Enroll in stress reduction classes, practice meditation, yoga or use regular exercise to reduce tension. Parents also need to connect the child to the community by volunteering on a regular basis. One-time events are nice but kids need to form relationships and care about others outside their family and friends circle. Youth need to know that every person in a community is connected in a web of inner-dependency.
There is a direct correlation between exposure to violence in entertainment and media and the rise in aggression. I have complained before how the news media has been twisted into reading the police reports instead of providing real journalism. I miss hearing/reading local stories. I don’t want a law enforcement blotter. Don’t they realize that they are feeding the Culture of Violence?
Mental illness makes a person more VULNERABLE to be a victim or to harm themselves. Even if a person has a SPMI (serious and persistent mental illness) diagnosis, it doesn’t mean that the mental illness caused them to be violent. Does a person with diabetes get blamed when their insulin level drops and they become angry before passing out? No! Why should a person with mental illness be blamed when their emotions surge? Stigma is a vicious circle, it causes people to deny their problems and not seek help. When they do need help, it must be available. There must be adequate funding to pay for mental health services instead of waiting for a crisis. An ounce of prevention is worth thousands of pounds of cure.
Visit www.nami.org for the facts.
Stay safe.
© 2012 Ima B. Musing
Thursday, June 16, 2011
TOO GREAT OF PAIN
The pain was too much. Options were exhausted. He chose to leap into the icy water from a bridge. What remained of the body was discovered nearly two weeks later nearly ten miles downstream. It is with great sadness that I write of Joshua who committed suicide a couple months ago. He was an intelligent, funny and nice person. We had been acquainted for several years since we had mutual friends. I would chat with him at parties and give him a hug. I was always happy to bump into him while out and about since he was so very personable.
I never knew of his depression or anxieties. He only informed a few people in our group of friends. I worked for several years with people who have SPMI serious and persistent mental illness. Joshua was interested in my work but never told me of his own challenges. I wish that he had reached out to someone during his last hour of life. Perhaps they could have gotten him to a hospital for help. Suicide is final. I fear that he changed his mind as he neared the water but it was too late. If he did survive the fall, the cold water would have rendered him unconscious within ten minutes or so. I hope he was at least knocked out from the fall and did not suffer physical pain on top of the mental anguish.
Some people consider suicide as selfish. I think that is rarely the case. I have contemplated ceasing existence many times. I didn’t think that my life was worth the bother. No one would miss me if I were dead. I was in fact a burden upon the planet. Thankfully, I was able to quell those negative thoughts with the assistance of a talented therapist. I haven’t felt that bad for years but occasionally the fleeting idea of suicide enters my mind. It is not a viable option anymore. If anything, my cats need me.
Most people with mental illness are highly intelligent and profoundly sensitive. Unfortunately, our society still attaches stigma to this medical condition. Mental health is a biological genetic disposition, the person neither weak of personal will nor did they choose to feel differently. We need to accept mental illness like any other treatable malady. People with SPMI are contributing members of our society and you probably aren’t aware of who has mental health issues and who doesn’t. Very very few people fall into the stereotypical “crazy” behavior. www.nami.org has a lot of great information.
If you have suicidal thoughts contact the Helpline at 1-800-273-8255 and visit www.save.org for other resources. Suicide Awareness – Voices of Education is a wonderful organization and also offers support for people who have lost a loved one to suicide. Just reach out, we need you to stay on this planet. I wish I could have told that to Joshua.
Choose to Live.
© 2011
I never knew of his depression or anxieties. He only informed a few people in our group of friends. I worked for several years with people who have SPMI serious and persistent mental illness. Joshua was interested in my work but never told me of his own challenges. I wish that he had reached out to someone during his last hour of life. Perhaps they could have gotten him to a hospital for help. Suicide is final. I fear that he changed his mind as he neared the water but it was too late. If he did survive the fall, the cold water would have rendered him unconscious within ten minutes or so. I hope he was at least knocked out from the fall and did not suffer physical pain on top of the mental anguish.
Some people consider suicide as selfish. I think that is rarely the case. I have contemplated ceasing existence many times. I didn’t think that my life was worth the bother. No one would miss me if I were dead. I was in fact a burden upon the planet. Thankfully, I was able to quell those negative thoughts with the assistance of a talented therapist. I haven’t felt that bad for years but occasionally the fleeting idea of suicide enters my mind. It is not a viable option anymore. If anything, my cats need me.
Most people with mental illness are highly intelligent and profoundly sensitive. Unfortunately, our society still attaches stigma to this medical condition. Mental health is a biological genetic disposition, the person neither weak of personal will nor did they choose to feel differently. We need to accept mental illness like any other treatable malady. People with SPMI are contributing members of our society and you probably aren’t aware of who has mental health issues and who doesn’t. Very very few people fall into the stereotypical “crazy” behavior. www.nami.org has a lot of great information.
If you have suicidal thoughts contact the Helpline at 1-800-273-8255 and visit www.save.org for other resources. Suicide Awareness – Voices of Education is a wonderful organization and also offers support for people who have lost a loved one to suicide. Just reach out, we need you to stay on this planet. I wish I could have told that to Joshua.
Choose to Live.
© 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
JAPANESE SPEAKING MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONALS NEEDED
Notice forwarded:
The National Language Service Corps (NLSC) has received an inquiry from a federal agency for Japanese speakers with a background in mental health. If you are a mental health professional with Japanese language skills, we would like to hear from you as soon as possible. Please visit our website at http://www.nlscorps.org to apply for free Membership with the NLSC. When you apply, be sure to upload a resume summarizing your professional and education experience in the mental health field as well as your availability. Alternatively, if you know someone who meets these language and professional criteria and would like to recommend him or her to the NLSC, please let us know. Applicants must meet the NLSC membership criteria in order to be considered for assignments.
NLSC Membership requirements:
• You must be a U.S. citizen
• You must be at least 18 years old
• If you are a male, you must have registered for Selective Service
If you have any additional questions, please e-mail recruiting at recruiting@nlscorps.org.
Help survivors of the quake and ongoing nuclear event!
(c) 2011
The National Language Service Corps (NLSC) has received an inquiry from a federal agency for Japanese speakers with a background in mental health. If you are a mental health professional with Japanese language skills, we would like to hear from you as soon as possible. Please visit our website at http://www.nlscorps.org to apply for free Membership with the NLSC. When you apply, be sure to upload a resume summarizing your professional and education experience in the mental health field as well as your availability. Alternatively, if you know someone who meets these language and professional criteria and would like to recommend him or her to the NLSC, please let us know. Applicants must meet the NLSC membership criteria in order to be considered for assignments.
NLSC Membership requirements:
• You must be a U.S. citizen
• You must be at least 18 years old
• If you are a male, you must have registered for Selective Service
If you have any additional questions, please e-mail recruiting at recruiting@nlscorps.org.
Help survivors of the quake and ongoing nuclear event!
(c) 2011
Thursday, March 11, 2010
IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS
What would I do if I won a million dollars, after taxes, I guess that I’d really have to procure 2.5 million so that I could bank one million. Mmm.
· $100,000 towards charity. I favor education since that can’t be taken away from the recipient. Half towards rural kids in the USA to attend college and half towards girls in income-restricted countries to receive at least a basic education (6th grade equivalent).
· $100,000 to establish an educational endowment fund for my nieces, nephews, and generations of their offspring. If they have already procured a college degree or certificate, $10,000 will go towards a Roth IRA in their name. If all members of our family expire, the funds will be equally divided between the charities.
· $100,000 towards my parent’s retirement. They did not save adequately while working.
· $100,000 for my sibling’s mental health. They need good counselors.
· $100,000 towards the education of my friend’s children.
· $110,000 to pay off my house.
· $90,000 to repair and rehabilitate my house.
· $100,000 towards my retirement.
· $100,000 for travel, I want to see more of the world.
· $100,000 for a rainy day. It always rains…
· All unused funds will go into the educational endowment fund.
Imagine - millions or billions!
© 2010
· $100,000 towards charity. I favor education since that can’t be taken away from the recipient. Half towards rural kids in the USA to attend college and half towards girls in income-restricted countries to receive at least a basic education (6th grade equivalent).
· $100,000 to establish an educational endowment fund for my nieces, nephews, and generations of their offspring. If they have already procured a college degree or certificate, $10,000 will go towards a Roth IRA in their name. If all members of our family expire, the funds will be equally divided between the charities.
· $100,000 towards my parent’s retirement. They did not save adequately while working.
· $100,000 for my sibling’s mental health. They need good counselors.
· $100,000 towards the education of my friend’s children.
· $110,000 to pay off my house.
· $90,000 to repair and rehabilitate my house.
· $100,000 towards my retirement.
· $100,000 for travel, I want to see more of the world.
· $100,000 for a rainy day. It always rains…
· All unused funds will go into the educational endowment fund.
Imagine - millions or billions!
© 2010
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